Winning then Losing
by Jediempress
Summary: [Riku sat alone in darkness mourning the loss of his lover.]  Written for a prompt.


This is a prompt response for Inuyasha Lover 123. Thanks to Riku-Rocks for all of the help.

Winning then Losing

_I'm sorry._

Those two whispered words had echoed through his mind for a week now and each time they did, they sounded worse. The pain in his heart increased with each passing night…And somehow, while the anguish grew, every other emotion faded.

He was slowly becoming numb to everything else.

He heard cautious footsteps approach from behind. In the back of his mind, he had been waiting for his best friend to come and confront him. He really did not care what the other had to say.

"Riku?" queried Sora softly. He came around the base of the Paopu tree, stopping a few feet from the silver-haired teen sitting on the horizontal part of the tree trunk. The older one had his eyes lightly closed and his expression was blank. "It's almost three in the morning."

Was it? Riku did not think it had been that long. He was beginning to lose track of time. That probably was not a good thing.

"Is this what you're doing every night?" Sora asked with concern. "Sitting out here alone in the dark?"

Riku managed a shrug.

Sora bit his lip. Riku had been horribly withdrawn for a week now. He had no idea what had brought this on. While he had been quiet and sometimes kind of distant before this, now it seemed as if the older teen was simply shutting down.

"Riku, what happened?" Blue eyes pleaded with Riku to answer. "What's wrong?"

Riku debated answering. It was not fair to his closest friend to not reply but he just did not think he could talk about this without completely breaking down. It was taking all he had not to fall apart as it was.

…But he would not leave Sora completely hanging. "It's nothing you can understand, Sora, and… I'm not sure I'm ready to…"

He heard Sora move and cracked one of his aqua eyes open. The younger teen was studying him with such concern in his blue eyes that Riku found himself struggling not to cry. He re-shut his eyes and turned away, biting down on his lower lip.

He felt Sora's hand hesitantly touch his arm. Without thinking, he latched his hand onto that one. A moment passed before Riku felt steady enough to look at Sora again. He barely noticed that he was shaking but Sora clearly had.

"Sora, I…"

"It's okay, Riku." The brunette smiled in a reassuring matter. "If you're not ready to talk, I won't make you. It's obvious this is bigger than any of the other times I've forced you to talk. I just want you to know that whatever it is that's hurting you like this, you can tell me."

…And with that statement, Riku broke.

He dropped his head into his free hand and a choked sob escaped him. Tears fell of their own accord but he made no sound outside of that initial cry. His breath became labored but he made no effort to control himself.

Eventually, the tears faded and he simply felt empty. He removed his hand from his face and looked at the other one. He was still gripping Sora's hand tightly.

"I, I've been keeping something from you, Sora. I don't really know why…" Riku paused. "I've been seeing someone."

Sora gaped for a moment. He seemed to realize there was a great deal more he needed to hear for he quickly grew attentive again and waited.

"I suppose it would be more accurate to say I _was_." The older teen choked out. "We… he ended it."

The brunette nodded once before the words caught up to him. "Wait, _he_?"

"Yeah," Riku laughed once weakly. He immediately became somber again. "I don't know what I'm going to do without him."

Sora took a moment to process this. In a quiet tone he asked, "What happened, Riku?"

A bitter smile flitted across Riku's face. "The one he really loved came back and I, I let him go."

He took a long, steadying breath. Keeping his gaze fixed on their entwined hands, he spoke slowly and precisely. "I knew the first time he spoke about Zack that he still loved him. Sometimes he would look at me and I just knew it wasn't me he was seeing.

"But, Zack was gone and as time went on those moments became fewer. The last few times we were together… they were perfect. I wasn't sharing him with a memory anymore."

Riku bit his lip. "We hadn't seen each other in three months. The last time had been when I had disappeared for those four days about a week after we came back here. The moment I saw him, I knew something was different. It was all right there in his eyes…"

He stopped talking.

The numbness that had been consuming him gave way to a sharp pain in his chest. He wished his heart would just die if that were what it was going to do. This pain needed to end and he did not care how anymore.

He felt Sora's hand tighten reassuringly on his leg. Briefly flicking his aqua eyes up, Riku forced himself to continue with his story. "He didn't waste words or try to make it easy on me. He was direct and to the point about it, just as he is with everything. That's one of the things I love about him.

"He told me that he did not know how or why but Zack had returned. He paused for a moment and then simply stated that he still loved him. All I could say was that I knew. His last words to me were _I'm sorry_."

Silence fell between them for several minutes.

"Wow," murmured Sora. "I don't quite know what to say, Riku."

"Then don't try to. It was enough that you listened to me ramble." The silvered one sighed. "There isn't anything else you can do."

"Riku, I know that I can't possibly understand what your feeling right now but," the younger teen worried his lip. "You can't shut down over this. You aren't alone, and you never will be."

Riku managed to meet Sora's blue eyes. "I know that, Sora. Right now, however, I simply can't believe it."

There was so much worry written into Sora's features that Riku found himself smiling a little in reassurance. His free hand reached up to touch the other's chin. "I'll be all right, Sora. I just need time."

Sora nodded once.

Riku dropped his hand and released Sora's hand from his other one. "Go home and get some sleep, Sor."

"Come with me."

"I'll head home soon."

Sora looked at him uncertainly. "Do you promise?"

"I swear it."

Sora nodded again. "You know I'm here for you, right?"

The older boy smiled. "I depend on it."

"Okay," The brunette slowly turned. "I'll see you in a few hours."

"Yeah…"

Sora crossed the bridge and disappeared into the shack. Riku turned back, the smile instantly dropping from his features. Now that he had told someone else, it made everything feel so much more _real_. He thought that maybe some of the pain would fade once he let it out.

He only felt worse.

The truth was that no matter what Sora said, he was on his own now. Yes, Sora would always be there but it simply was not the same. No one could fill the gaping hole in his heart. Nothing was going to revive that part of him that had died.

Only Cloud fit into that space. Only Cloud could bring him back to life. Riku knew that he was never going to get Cloud back. The blonde man was as unreachable to him now as he would be if he had died. He would never get him back.

For the rest of the night, Riku sat alone in the darkness mourning the loss of his lover.


End file.
